today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
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I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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