You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
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