I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas