i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
