There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out