Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it