this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole