I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
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drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
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you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome