I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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