there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
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Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
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There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend