i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
