Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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