I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
