Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.

Fav 24 5168 907
share tweet
(978): View more from Massachusetts

They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.

Fav 46 7691 1733
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(314): View more from Missouri

So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.

Fav 14 5514 1414
share tweet
(203): View more from Connecticut

I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.

Fav 35 6545 2507
share tweet
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
Read it at the TFLN blog
(952): View more from Minnesota

Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.

Fav 15 2622 1004
share tweet
(501): View more from Arkansas

Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..

Fav 7 1820 818
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(515): View more from Iowa

Why am I always the sober one?

(641): View more from Iowa

Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...

Fav 4 2063 892
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(615): View more from Tennessee

Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.

Fav 2 925 475
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(904): View more from Florida

A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.

(904): View more from Florida

I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.

Fav 2 468 186
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT