I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
