why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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