My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
How external is "for external use only"?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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