OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
