And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
