Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
