the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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