we have officially lost it.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
