did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
