last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
