1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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