why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
