how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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