every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
