I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
