Moan for me like Helen Keller
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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