how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
