You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
