Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
