using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
