I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
