my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she told me i tasted like america
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
