i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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