The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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