you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.