You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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