god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Randomize
