I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
