Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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