thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Sorry my hands just texted you
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
