You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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