So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize