I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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