I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
They took my balls.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My penis needs a shock collar
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
