so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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