God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
