I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
