Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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