i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Enjoy the penises
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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