then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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