Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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