so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
