I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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