Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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