I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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