Nicole vs. Life
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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