The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
