I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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