I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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