just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
is that a dick in a sweater?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
