it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
