mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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