I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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