she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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