Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
