just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
