you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
