Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
