So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
