we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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