two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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