if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
