My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
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Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
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our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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