our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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