There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
