yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The uberlube is also flammable
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
