Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
