I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
