how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
