Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Randomize
