a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
