ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
