I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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