singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
