I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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