I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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