Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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