In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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