WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
