can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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